Long Distance Realationship

I've been asking myself same questions for a month. " Why living is always hard ? ". " Why do I have to get hurt when I love someone? Tonight, i can't even sleep for some reasons. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I know you're cruel, harsh and mean to me. But my feeling to you is still the same. We haven't see and talk to each other for more than a week, to me it seems like forever. I wanted to talk to you, but you didn't answer my calls and texts. Why? What did I do? Why don't you just tell me the reason?. I've been trying to be strong and ignoring it. But I wanted to hear your voice so bad. I missed you so much that I could die. My feeling right now is just like a burden inside my chest, and I can't even take it out of my body. Do you have a girl you like right now or is it just me imagining. You said the most important thing in your life is not me, it's your education. Seriously...It's hurt, hurt alot...I couldn't believe when i heard that from you, a person I've been dated for almost 4 years. You have no trust nor faith in me. How could I leave without you? Why would I ever think about we separated apart? But how can I live like this and keep waiting for you every single day and hoping you would come to see me. I'm hurting baby, Is it the sign of our ending time ? I hope its not, but I will agree to what you want to do with us. I depressed...I'm sad...I feel terrible. I have no one to talk to except my bestfriend, but she can't even solve her own problems. What am I going to do with myself right now ? You said you will catch me when I fall, but.....where are you now ?

Hatred Against Family : Thing I would Never Forget/Forgive

Dear My Family,

This is not just a simple post that I use to relief my stress or hatred. This post will be contain all of things that you people have treated me like trash. Speaking of it, I knew and others knew that I don't deserve it. First of all, I thank you Dad! thank you about you've had treated me right and care of me of all these years. And Thank you Mom, you've given birth to me. Especialy mom and older brother, thanks for things you guys did to me to created who I am now...I would never forget every single thing that just happen around an hour ago.

You guys love to beat me up and pick on me. I always question myself that " Why is this happening to me ? ", " Do I deserve this? " or " What did I do wrong to them?" and " Why do they hate me so much? ". This is not because of Asian culture that make people think that " When your parents hit you b/c they love you, and teach you", NO! It is not! this is call VIOLENCE! I already sick of it. Alright, I'll tell you what happened.

Round 1: I'm on diet for almost 2 months now, so I never eat after 6pm. I was washing dishes like I always do after my parents finish their dinner. It was really messy in the sink, I'm the type of person that like organize stuff before I start washing, so I was feeling uncomfortable. When I almost done, I tried to put things into the washing machine ( my mother use it for keeping stuff ONLY ) and they were wet, it's not even matter if they were wet or not b/c it is the fucking WASHING MACHINE!!! Does she even get why they call it washing machine? I mean wtf? She yelled at me b/c the stuff still wet. I shutted up, I didn't even want to talk back.

Round 2: I love to take care of my hands, Okay? I always wear gloves while cleaning. So, the water was running down my glove and dripping onto the opened washing machine next to me. Guess what happen. Freaking mother started to yell and scream at me, reality mental! fucking mental! Is it little bit TOO overboard? is it really that matter to her? Did someone died b/c I did that? It wasn't even on purpose! I've tried to explain why it happened, but she didn't even try to listen to what I say, So all I have to do was shut the fuck up.

Round 3: My douchebag brother came from nowhere and threw the ice-cream to my head. And both of them started to beat my up like an animal. Even a dog gets treat better than I am. You know what? FUCK YOU! and FUCK THAT! the type of person like you don't even have the right to talk down on me. You're already 20yrs old and don't even look for a GOD DAMN job to pay your debt, and remember you still owe my boyfriend 4 thousands $. Totally a fucking loser. And tell ur gf to suck it! cuz I already know that she wouldn't have a great life after she met you. And tell our mom that she should keep be on ur side because in future, she would be the one who going to pay ur debt and take care of you. It's the way she is, because everytime you hit me, I hit you back, then she start to hit me for you, right? She is a " fair " mother I mean haha.

Round 4: You guys back stabbed my gold of heart boyfriend and my best friend for no reason, even they did nothing wrong to you...Fucking loser like you guys should not even get any help from others. I mean, what did they do to you? after everything my boyfriend helped you since we moved in the new house, he even helped us to clean all of the shit in the house.  He is the one who taught you guys how to pay the bills and manage the house, and now u guys treated him like trash! My bestfriend did nothing wrong and u guys called her " bitch". Are you happy? I hope there are real Gods, and they will punish you. Because, everything I did will never get enough for you, mother. There are no way to please you but money...

There are lots of things that I hold my grudge for years until now...and even in future. Whatever you say, whatever you do, I will shut the fuck up, and please don't ask me why. Because, my trust, my respect and my feeling are all BROKEN, really broken. And I will keep hold my grudge and I will show you. I will study real hard, damn hard. I promised myself in future, I will not depend on you guys to grow up, and I will get a good career, make more money than you do. And people will acknowledge me, show me respect. I will kick you in the face to show how wrong and terrible you guys had treated me. This post will help me to remember everything happened tonight that will help me to promise myself that I must do this to show how much pain I felt in all these years. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck all you people who tortured me. fuck every little thing that I did wrong. Fuck me because I didn't realize sooner. Fuck me because I didn't born into a good family like others. I envy them...

In the end, I especialy thank you, my Dad. You are the only one would listen to me in this family and always care when I got hurt. And thank you, my boyfriend, my Darling. You've always been the most supportive person in my life. The person always helping me were you. The person always giving me great advices were you. And I'm so sorry that I cried on our anniversary. They dont even know a shit about us, I'm glad that we've been together for more than 3 years. I love you babe, and I will make you proud. And I don't care what people say about us. I don't fucking care the way they think or say I am wrong about holding grudge and hatred against my family. Because you told me that " Just be yourself, No one can ever tell you You're Doing It Wrong." Now, I understand why people think you're incredible and love you so much. I love you to death.

I will try hard, I must do it, and I must get what I wanted, and I must repay my grudge! Thank you reader.
                                                                              -  Mimi -

What Is Love ? : Evol?

The truth, however, is that love does not hurt but it is the falling out of love or not having love that really hurts. And the higher you are, such as in the heights of passion or the tower of a long-term love, the harder the fall. A break-up, divorce, death, or abandonment are some of the most painful experiences of life because we miss our love so much.

Love usualy started by a Glare, then Look at eachother eyes. Next, a Hug will begin. Touching eachother. Then, it ended by a permanent Kiss.

Does Love seems to be that simple to you? If it does...it's not Love. Love usually start with sweet moments ( I mean, Wake Up! This is not dramma! ). But after, it will turns back and hurt you. Love is a disease that spread over and over centuries. Be gentle with it, because it's like a piece of crystal. When it already broke, you wouldn't be able to fix it to make it perfect like the first time. It complicated.

For Those who love to be love. I'm warning you...warning you right now to be gentle and careful with love. Trust me, I've been regretting and missing my passed 2 years of lifetime. Because I've doned 1 thing that I shouldn't done before. I broke his heart, broke it into many pieces. Once I did it, I couldn't take off all of the dirt on myself. It still there. But he accepted me...but he...wasn't look like the person that I met at the first time anymore...

Love is Fragile afterall.

Beginner's First Step: Success In Life

1: Make the decision to stop being average.

This is one of the most important steps to success in life.  You may know about setting goals (which I will cover in a minute) but many people overlook the importance of this first step.  You need to make the decision, once and for all, to stop letting yourself be just another average person.

2: Realize Your Dreams.

If you can, close your eyes for a moment and take a deep breath and try to relax.  Try to push all the thoughts out of your mind.  Now I want you to ask yourself a question and try to be honest with yourself when you answer.  Ask yourself, “If I could change anything in my life what would it be?”  This can be anything, where you live, what you do for a living, anything.  After you’ve answered your question, paint a picture in your mind of what this changed situation would look like.

3: Set Goals.

We have all heard about the importance of setting goals.  Well, it’s true, but how do you go about doing this.  Let’s start by defining what a goal is.  A goal, in this case, is a set guideline of when and how to complete a task. So if your goal is to reach your dream than you would decide what needs to happen and how quickly you can and want it to happen.

4: Find Ways To Stay Motivated.

Now, the hard part.  The first three steps are very easy compared to this one.  Anybody can do what we’ve already talked about.  But what sets apart the average person from the successful one is the ability of that particular person to consistently put forth the effort to accomplishing their goals.  That is where motivation comes in. Do not let haters come in your way!

5: Enjoy The Process!

Just as important as the first 4 steps, this one requires little effort but is often missed.  And notice that I didn’t say, enjoy yourself when you reach your dream.  The process should be rewarding on it’s own as you are seeking to get the most out of every day. Keep working on it and don't let it fall, because who knows one day thing would happens and you would be disappointed. Keep it up and Good Luck!